Perfection Through Weakness

Here's what I know...

-After four years of dorm/apartment life, and three months of living in another country...I'm now living at home...with my parents.

-After four and a half years of hair pulling work to obtain my degree in Middle Childhood Education, I've finally concluded that teaching...is not for me.
 

-After collecting info and crunching the numbers, I have more college debt than I anticipated...and I start paying in June.

 

Add that to the fact that I'm not entirely sure what I want to do, besides move to Miami Beach, I've suddenly became a smidgen stressed. It seems that after four years of loving the independence and endless opportunities of college life, and my latest experience on my own in Costa Rica, I have had a serious set back. Suddenly, I'm sitting alone in my freezing, jam-packed room, with a part time (what my dad refers to as “fake”) mall job, debt up to my eyeballs, and what feels like ceaseless pressure from all sides to “figure things out.”
 

I'm stuck.
 

Most of the time, when we're stuck, we look to others for encouragement. We need reassurance of “I've totally been there,” or “Everyone goes through this.” After several wise and reassuring words, we realize, although encouraged, we still lack the power to instantaneously change our current situation.
 

At this point – I have a verse I always turn to. Usually it's after I've tried to figure out and accomplish something completely on my own, failed completely, or have finally been humbled enough to admit defeat.  It's underlined and highlighted in my Bible, you know the ones.

2 Corinthians 12:9

“But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.”

It makes me want to scream, “I'm WEAK!” right here in my quaint little hometown coffee shop as I write this. Because, when I am weak, his power is perfect.
 

All this to say, I am learning to be content. I'm frustrated with always waiting for the next stage of life to begin. First we say, “I just want to finish High School” then, “Life will be so much better when I'm done with college” next, “I'll really be able to relax when I start my career” and of course, “When I get married, my life will be perfect” (which is maybe the most dangerous one of all).

So, these facts remain:

God always knew I would get my degree and not want to teach. He knew I would be living at home, with little direction and lots of dreams. He wanted me to go to Cedarville University, and he will help me pay it off. He knows I love working at Forever 21, and it's right now, and it's not fake (cough, dad). He makes me strong. He is my joy.

So to all you recently-graduated-working-a-fake-job-waiting-for-the-next-step-payments-pending-big dreamers reading this, I wish you contentment. Stop waiting for the adventure to begin...because it's already started.

Much Love,

 

From an adventure living, job hunting little darling

 

 

 

Lady and Jagger

So here I sit on the couch, my first time being alone in my host home. My host mom - her name is Lady (seriously) is off to salsa class (seriously), and it's the perfect time to blog! 
There is SO much to write about…but I'll simply start at the beginning:
As the plane landed in San Jose, Costa Rica, the jitters started. I have always been a last-minute-it-will-all-work-out-don’t-over-think-it kind of person.  In that moment, however, I realized I had traveled to a foreign country alone, I had no idea what my principal (who was picking me up) looked like, my cell phone no longer worked, and I was now confined to my limited knowledge of Espanol. To top it off, my flight in Chicago had gotten delayed three hours, causing my flights to change considerably throughout the day. Because of this, I kept telling myself that my luggage would not be circling on the other side of that grand silver carousel. However, after I stood there chanting “come on Delilah” (the name of my suitcase), the old dear made it! I let out a cheer and took a picture of Delilah and her baby right then and there. What a miracle!

After this I had sense enough to stop at the currency booth and exchange some money (very wise, if I do say so myself).  Customs was no problem, but as I walked out of the little airport into the world outside, those initial senses started fleeing little by little. I was suddenly surrounded by Ticos (mostly men) holding up signs with scribbled names, whistling and hissing, and asking me in broken English if I wanted a taxi. Gripping Delilah and her baby like they were my own children, I wheeled them with my head high to the end of the crowd - and there, in the air, was the most beautiful name I have ever seen…mine!

Connected to that sign was a very nice, very white man named Mr. Tabor, my principal.  He gave me a big Costa Rican hug and introduced me to his adorable son, Daniel, as they took my bags and led me to the car. They whisked me away in the crazy San Jose traffic and took me to my new home for the next three months. He told me my host mom was a wonderful Lady (literally, ha) who spoke only Spanish. Her 23 year old son, David, however, spoke English and that Bali, Lady’s daughter had just moved to the US. 
I got to the house and was greeted by a PRECIOUS yellow lab I would soon get to know as Jagger (and yes, he has moves:).

 Lady showed me my room - it’s her daughters. Later the next day, Lady explained to me (in one of our many Spanglish conversations) that God knew she needed another daughter while her own was away. With a teary-eyed hug she welcomed me in…and just like that, I was home.

Since then I have picked lemons from the beautiful tree in our backyard, met some wonderful dogs at the park, and was brought to tears in church on Sunday.

Here’s what I know:
-- God knows what I need. He cares for the sparrows, and he cares all the more for me.
-- He won’t leave me abandoned and shaky on a 757 in a foreign country.
-- He’ll put his hand on my back, and give me the strength to stand tall.
-- He’ll show me people that love Him all over the world, just to remind me that I have NO idea how BIG He is.
-- He’ll challenge me when I get comfortable.
-- And I’m pretty sure He laughs when I finally get it…it takes us a while sometimes, doesn’t it?

So with Costa Rican coffee close by, and the comfort of a movie in English on my ipod, I’ll end this blog about my first little darling days…with the excitement of many more to come!