I'm a Tomato

I meandered into the grocery the other day in search of just the skeletal necessities (or those that I could afford).  As I wandered through the produce in search of the tomatoes, I noticed a lone, ripe one and it cried out to me.  It said, “Pick me, Pick me! I am ready for you to add to a meal!  I will bring flavor and variety!  You will be pleasantly surprised...Promise.”  So I bought it.

I bought it because that tomato is ME.  I am a recently (ish) graduate with menial experience, but a mother load of enthusiasm.  I have so much to offer - creativity, dedication, positivity, teachability, smarts, time, and the list goes on.  But I’m crying out in a sea of other tomatoes, and I’m not being heard.  Other tomatoes have been chosen long before me, or are getting chosen all around me, and here, alone, I sit.  If given the chance, I could add that flavor and variety to a company, organization, church, or anyone that will have me...but no one has yet plopped me on one of those thin plastic bags with a twistie tie and thrown me in their cart.  Sure, they’ve picked me up, examined me, given me a little squeeze and then promptly replaced me back onto that ever-filling shelf with the rest of my kind.

These days, I’ve applied to countless jobs, had a few interviews, enjoyed some serious pool and beach time, and drove myself to the brink of crazy refreshing my email (literally every five minutes) to hear back from employers who I’m just dying to work for.  So today, I made up my mind.  I was going to get up and get out.  

Sometimes doing nothing is the most taxing thing in the world.  You can’t sleep at night because you haven’t been engaged throughout the day.  Putting on clothes, doing your hair, even brushing your teeth takes about as much effort as running a marathon (a smig of a hyperbole, I realize).  But today I woke up after a terrible night sleep, bade my roommates goodbye, and came to a coffee shop.  I got an Americano and started planning a road trip I’ve been dreaming of that I can’t currently afford.  I perused yummy cookbooks and little nick nacks (that I surprisingly talked myself out of), and I didn’t check my email for a whole hour.   

My hope is that by the end of this post, I will actually have several emails pleading, literally begging me to come use my gifts and talents to enhance their institution because they clearly can’t live without my caliber.  But in reality, as I sit here sipping my now lukewarm espresso and eavesdropping on the loud old ladies next to me, I am still an unemployed, single, twenty-something.  Just a girl with big dreams and a big God.  

Thank goodness that fact is constant.  No matter if I end up (still) penniless or in the arms of a bazilionare, my dreams are big, and my God is bigger.  

Xxoo

From a still optimistic, forever searching, city living little Darling.  Off to go buy more tomatoes.

Perfection Through Weakness

Here's what I know...

-After four years of dorm/apartment life, and three months of living in another country...I'm now living at home...with my parents.

-After four and a half years of hair pulling work to obtain my degree in Middle Childhood Education, I've finally concluded that teaching...is not for me.
 

-After collecting info and crunching the numbers, I have more college debt than I anticipated...and I start paying in June.

 

Add that to the fact that I'm not entirely sure what I want to do, besides move to Miami Beach, I've suddenly became a smidgen stressed. It seems that after four years of loving the independence and endless opportunities of college life, and my latest experience on my own in Costa Rica, I have had a serious set back. Suddenly, I'm sitting alone in my freezing, jam-packed room, with a part time (what my dad refers to as “fake”) mall job, debt up to my eyeballs, and what feels like ceaseless pressure from all sides to “figure things out.”
 

I'm stuck.
 

Most of the time, when we're stuck, we look to others for encouragement. We need reassurance of “I've totally been there,” or “Everyone goes through this.” After several wise and reassuring words, we realize, although encouraged, we still lack the power to instantaneously change our current situation.
 

At this point – I have a verse I always turn to. Usually it's after I've tried to figure out and accomplish something completely on my own, failed completely, or have finally been humbled enough to admit defeat.  It's underlined and highlighted in my Bible, you know the ones.

2 Corinthians 12:9

“But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.”

It makes me want to scream, “I'm WEAK!” right here in my quaint little hometown coffee shop as I write this. Because, when I am weak, his power is perfect.
 

All this to say, I am learning to be content. I'm frustrated with always waiting for the next stage of life to begin. First we say, “I just want to finish High School” then, “Life will be so much better when I'm done with college” next, “I'll really be able to relax when I start my career” and of course, “When I get married, my life will be perfect” (which is maybe the most dangerous one of all).

So, these facts remain:

God always knew I would get my degree and not want to teach. He knew I would be living at home, with little direction and lots of dreams. He wanted me to go to Cedarville University, and he will help me pay it off. He knows I love working at Forever 21, and it's right now, and it's not fake (cough, dad). He makes me strong. He is my joy.

So to all you recently-graduated-working-a-fake-job-waiting-for-the-next-step-payments-pending-big dreamers reading this, I wish you contentment. Stop waiting for the adventure to begin...because it's already started.

Much Love,

 

From an adventure living, job hunting little darling